Everything about the new Ricky Martin is terrible. Watch the premiere now (or don't)

How many pesos to lose the speedo?

Ok we already talked about how absolutely dire the new Ricky Martin single is (think Jack Johnson if his music were written by a committee of old people who "don't get this new fangled jibber jab they play on the radio" and also don't speak English particularly well).  Also Ricky's voice is completely wrong for the style he's attempting. 

We were reserving our judgment for the whole project until we saw the video, but, having watched the premiere, we can now confirm with complete confidence that NOTHING ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING IS GOOD.

Some issues:

1.  It's not 2002.  White backgrounds behind beautiful children with "natural makeup" are best left to old-school VH1 and cancer-charity videos. 
2.  We get it.  You're gay.  You don't have to cram it down our throats (heh).  Seriously, this onslought of gayness would be like Ellen saying "I'm Gay" on the cover of People, and then immediately following it up with an hourlong primetime special during which she does nothing but scissor a local women's soccer team.
3.  The video does not distract us enough from how wretched the song is.  It needs flashing lights.  And colors.  And flashing colored lights.  Or puppies.  Flashing puppies, preferably.  Even nudity would be fine.  And yeah, we know, he gets his shirt off in this clip, but we saw more than this when he was doing yoga on the beach with his "companion" back before he liked it up the butt.
4.  Coming out (heh) with a song about how happy you are only makes everyone think you're trying awfully hard to convince everyone you're happy.

He's still pretty though.



:(